Definition of Divorce

Definition of Divorce:  Thefuture tense of marriage.
http://www.butlerwebs.com/jokes/divorce.htm

The judge had just awarded ...

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat`s fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I`ll try to chip in a few bucks myself."

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What do you call a blonde ...

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?

A. Divorced.

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Once my divorce was final...

Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver`s license."Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired."No," I replied."Oh, good," she said, clearly delighted. "You got the house."

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After a lengthy conference with...

After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported tohis client.?Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.??Fair to both?!? exploded Mrs. LaMay. ?I could have done that myself. What do you think I hired a lawyer for??

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A Lady goes to Toys ...

A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn`t know what`s available or price.The clerk replies "we have Tennis Barbie and she`s $28" Lady asks "well, anything else?" "We have an equestrian Barbie, and she`s $28".Lady asks "anything else?" "Well, we have divorced Barbie and she`s $250"The lady replies "I don`t understand why divorced Barbie is so expensive.The others were only $28. What is so special about divorced Barbie?" The clerk replied "Simple, she comes with Ken`s car, his house, and all his other stuff."

Yeah, my husband and...

Yeah, my husband and I just split up. I finally faced the fact thatwe're incompatible.  I'm a Virgo and he's an asshole.

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